God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
