he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
