My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
