Kareoke will never be a sober sport
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
