how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
