I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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