they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
