just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
