Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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