If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
