this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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