so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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