i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You're a waste of cheezeits
She's not a foreskin expert like you
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
