apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
