Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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