Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
