help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
