he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
