Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
