Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
