my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
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