then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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