I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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