I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
