before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
