i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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