its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
