He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
