btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
