I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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