apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
