Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
