You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
