You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
