oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
