how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
