he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
