My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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