Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
the raccoons are back...
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