He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
