You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
