There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
jump out the window naked night went bad
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
