my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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