just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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