Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
