i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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