I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
