i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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