so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
