oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He passed out mid-signature
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
