How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
