Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
