I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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