I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
